College Football 2106, Week 7: IN MEMORIAM

Man, it's never boring out here in the land of bigtime college football. Everyone gets a go-round on the "holy shit, is the magic over?" rollercoaster, and today was our turn. There were some pretty intense games played today. Most of the top dogs were tested pretty severely. The ACC Coastal is as inconsistent (but entertaining) as ever with multiple upsets and teams in a tailspin. All 4 winners in the Big 12 learned how to play defense (at least for a week). The PAC-12 already looks a one-horse race. The season gets worse for them Dawgs (FUCK GEORGIA)....we'll get to that. I still find the B1G to be very boring, but that is probably just the bias of a Southern boy who feels that the best ball is played below the Mason-Dixon.

Enough rambling. Let's get started, shall we?

#1 Alabama dumps #9 Tennessee in with the rest of the haters, 49-10: Okay, it's starting to look really unfair, but that's okay. Every Rebellion needs an Empire, and Saban looks perfect in that Emperor robe. They didn't actually have a passing TD today, but they returned a punt for 79 yards and had a 58-yard PICK-6. They're just complete. It's as simple as that, whether you like it or not. I think the most impressive thing was the sheer number of Vols fans that were still in attendance at the end of the game. Next up for Bama is what will be their biggest test of the year, a visit from well-rested #6 Texas A&M. Tennessee will travel to South Carolina and look to get rid of the aggression by beating some Cocks. You didn't think I'd pass up THAT joke, did you?

#2 Ohio State play from behind most of the game & beat #8 Wisconsin in OT, 30-23: I have to say I am still not blown away by the Fuckeyes from top to bottom, but they are crazy talented (and very young). They found a way to win in one of college football's toughest environments. They are a great road team. The Badgers are, in my opinion, the best team that won't be playing in the CFP. Those guys have had a hell of a schedule and looked great. Nice win for OSU to pad the resume for the playoffs. The Khaki Kook and his Wolverines loom large on the horizon. Ohio State will play under the lights in Happy Valley next Saturday against Penn State. Wisconsin travels to the most boring place on Earth to play Iowa.

#3 Clemson proves prayer works, steals an OT thriller from NC State, 24-17: The dream is still alive. It probably shouldn't be, but this Tiger team knows how to win and have zero fucking give-up in them. Experience and mettle are proven killers. This is the 2nd game this year that Clemson has had a shitload of turnovers (5 vs Louisville and 4 vs NC State) and still managed to win. It's like a fucked up, beautiful magic trick! 86,000 of my closest friends and family were loud and disruptive yet again. NC State lines up to kick the game winner with :02 left on the clock and it's............WIDE RIGHT!! A trip to OT yields a rolling TD catch from Watson to Scott, and the next play for the Pack is a pick from Marcus Edmond (the same kid who made the stop at the end of the Louisville game). Ball game, Tigers!! Thank God that all of us Tigers are bible-thumpers, eh?? INSANE PROPS TO NC STATE!! That's a quality ball club with a mean defense. We got lucky; no shame in admitting it. Next up for Clemson is a much needed bye week, then a trip to Tallahassee for the yearly battle with the Semen-Holes. NC State will travel to The Papa for a shot at those Louisville Cardinals and the Heisman front runner. Upset, anyone?

#4 Michigan, #5 Washington & #6 Texas A&M all take their bye week, catch up on sleep: Michigan will host Illinois and win in khakis and collared shirts; pads not necessary. Washington will host Oregon State and grab 'em by the beaver. Texas A&M will prepare to shoulder the weight of the entire world's hopes and dreams as they travel to Alabama. At least you know everyone will be pulling for them (except for those with exceptionally well pruned family trees and bandwagon jumpers).

#7 Louisville prove that it ain't always pretty and hold off Duke at The Papa, 24-14: For a team that is winless in the ACC, Duke sure is a pain in the ass. The Dukies had an answer to everything the Cards threw at them until late in the 4th when the sheer talent of Lamar Jackson proved to be a little too much. This was one that proved the old adage that college football "ain't a beauty contest". A win is a win is a win, especially on a Friday night. What the hell is up with these Friday night games, anyways? Louisville will host NC State next (& they'd best be careful). Duke will travel to Atlanta in what should be their first ACC win of the season.

#10 Nebraska remains unbeaten over surprisingly scrappy Indiana, 27-22: File another one up in the "ugly win" file under the "don't take anyone lightly" sub-file. Nebraska isn't really dominating anyone or even beating any good teams, but they are still winning. They haven't hit the rough stretch in their schedule which will see them go back-to-back on the road against Wisconsin and then Ohio State in late October and early November. Still, undefeated is undefeated (for now). Next up for the Huskers is lowly Purdue at home. Indiana travels to Northwestern in a game that's too Yankee for me. 

#11 Baylor follows everyone else's lead and kick the shit out of Kansas, 49-7: Oh, my God. Kansas sucks big floppy donkey dick. I don't say that to take anything away from Baylor. I'm just amazed at how much KU sucks. Seth Russell runs for 2 TDs and throws for 2 more. Their D has a PICK-6 of 64 yards. 2 different RBs score as well. You get the idea. Week 8 will see Baylor travel to Austin to see if they can cost Charlie Strong his job (or maybe get exposed??). Kansas will host Oklahoma State and surely lose again. 

#12 Ole Miss loses a genuine thriller to #22 Arkansas in Pig Sooie Country, 34-30: This was a fun game to watch. These 2 teams always play it close and high scoring when they hook up. Remember that 53-52 freakshow last year with the crazy lateral play? This one was slightly lower scoring, but equally nutty. Clemson castoff Chad Kelly played his whiny little heart out and almost had the 4th down conversion that would've put them down in scoring position, but he got his block knocked off. Props to the Hogs. That was a physical and competitive slugfest. Next up for Ole Miss is a trip to Baton Rouge to play Ed Orgeron's high scoring, new look LSU. Arkansas will travel to Auburn to try and tame the other Tigers.

#13 Houston barely bounces back from last week's upset, scraping by Tulsa, 38-31: How close was this one? Tulsa tied it up before the half AND late in the 4th, only to have Dane Evans fumble it with 1:21 left to give the Cougars the eventual game winner. Not content with that, Houston lets Tulsa get all the way down to the friggin' ONE MILLIMETER line before stopping forward momentum and pushing back the runner with no time left. You don't fuck around with that cardiac arrest shit, do you Houston? Wow. Houston's next game on the "This Was Supposed To Be A Cakewalk" Tour is a trip to Chad Morris' SMU Ponies. Tulsa will host Tulane.

#14 Florida State takes a slightly better looking shit than Wake Forest, 17-6: Ugly is the theme of the week. I've got nothing more to say about this one. I'd imagine the fans in The Doak walked out going "Ummm.....cool, I guess. We DID win." Next up for those evil 'Noles is a bye week followed by a visit from the Clemson Tigers (who also have a bye). Wake will host Army; not the whole Army, just a few of them.

#15 Boise State underwhelms against Colorado State, still wins 28-23: I learned two things from this game. First, the QB for Boise State is the nephew of Washington Redskins great, Mark Rypien. Secondly, games that end on a referee's ruling are really stupid and anticlimactic. I didn't learn that the Smurf Turf hurts my eyes because I already knew that. Boise State will host BYU next week; Colorado State will travel to Vegas to play UNLV and (hopefully) snort blow off of hookers. I smell a future scandal.

#16 Miami can't shake the blocked PAT blues (or the Heels), losing 20-13: I have to agree with what one of the announcers said about Miami. They really are on their way back up to prominence, but they are in a bit of a tailspin right now. They let UNC build a 20-3 lead at the half, but they mounted a pretty solid comeback. Then the heavy rain came along and washed away those hopes; well, the heavy rain and the combo of Trubisky to Switzer. Miami will be okay, and UNC is dangerous as always. Miami will travel to Blacksburg for the dreaded Thursday Nightmare against Virginia Tech (worst place to play on a Thursday ever). UNC will go to Charlottesville and play the Virginia Cavaliers.

#17 Virginia Tech underestimates Syracuse and pays for it, 31-17: It's the oldest cliche in football and the most true: don't take ANY opponent lightly (even your league's cellar dweller). The Orange get their first win over a ranked opponent since 2012 and their first conference win since joining the ACC. I'd call that a signature win for this new coach. Virginia Tech is still schizophrenic as they try to find their way in the post-Beamer era. Next up is a short week and a visit from Miami on a Thursday night (ideal for the Hokies). Syracuse will travel to Boston College and maybe get on a roll.

#18 Florida uses defense and special teams to thump Mizzou's ass, 40-14: Florida took the driver's seat in the maligned SEC East with a kooky win over the Tigers. The Gators picked off back to back passes TDs in a 2-minute span and took an onside kick to the house at the end of the game to crush the far-fetched Mizzou bid for a comeback. A solid and convincing win that hid some offensive woes. Next up for the Gators? A trip to Athens (sight of Georgia's loss to Vandy this week) for The World's Biggest Cocktail Party and a game against the Dawgs. Missouri will host Mid Tennessee in a sweet relief game. 

#19 Oklahoma puts a little spanking on K-State in Norman, 38-17: Despite early season struggles, OU is starting to hit their stride. Winning the Red River Shootout seems to do that for old Boomer Sooner. K-State was outmanned in a game that was never closer than 21-10. Oklahoma showed that they still have scary good talent with Perine, Mixon, Mayfield, & Dede Westbrook, who blew up for 184 yds and 3 TDs on 9 catches! Big day, kid. Next up the team that good ole' Jim Ross should be coaching is a trip to Lubbock to play Texas Tech (better bring your defense). Kansas State will host Texas (collective groan from Longhorn nation).

#20 West Virginia beats Texas Tech to death with their banjoes, 48-17: Never even close was the theme of the day in the Big 12. It's not my favorite league to watch (despite the fact that I live in Big 12 country), but I will say you'd better be able to score to keep up in this league. West Virginia is flying under the radar right now. I don't think it'll stay that way. The Mountaineers will host TCU next. Texas Tech will host Oklahoma. 

#21 Utah gets the edge in a weird-ass contest over the Beavers, 19-14: The Utes called a RB out of retirement (he left the team after Week 2) because they were short on bodies, and Joe Williams ran for a workhorse style 179 yards on 34 carries. Oh yeah....there was also a total team scrum straight out of a damn rugby game that turned a 4-yard run into a 22-yard run. I'm not shitting you. It was kind of amazing to watch. You also had a 35-yard loss for a Safety. You can't make this shit up. Next week will see Utah travelling to face UCLA in Crip Country while Oregon State will take their hairy, smelly Beavers out to Seattle to play powerhouse Washington.

#23 Auburn stayed home and practiced: What else would they do? It's boring as fuck out there. Next week they host the Arkansas Razorbacks.

#24 Western Michigan blanks and embarasses Akron, 41-0: Did you know that Western Michigan is 7-0? You do now. You're welcome. I guess I don't need to tell you that Akron really sucks. RB Jarvion Franklin ran for 281 yds. That's not a typo. Next up for Western Michigan is rival Eastern Michigan. Nobody gives a shit who Akron plays next. Let's be honest. 

#25 Navy will not play East Carolina until November 19th: Damn you, Hurricane Matthew. You flooded my family land and cost us what was probably going to be a quality game. 

And now for your dead sexy new Week 8 AP Top 25:

• #1 Alabama 7-0 (60 votes), same
• #2 Ohio State 6-0, same 
• #3 Michigan (1 vote), +1
• #4 Clemson 7-0, -1
• #5 Washington 6-0, same
• #6 Texas A&M 6-0, same
• #7 Louisville 5-1, same
• #8 Nebraska 6-0, +2
• #9 Baylor 6-0, +2
• #10 Wisconsin 4-2, -2
• #11 Houston 6-1, +2
• #12 West Virginia 5-0, +8
• #13 Florida State 5-2, +1
• #14 Boise State 6-0, +1
• #15 Florida 5-1, +3
• #16 Oklahoma 4-2, +3
• #17 Arkansas 5-2, +5
• #18 Tennessee 5-2, -9
• #19 Utah 6-1, +2
• #20 Western Michigan 7-0, +4
• #21 Auburn 4-2, +2
• #22 North Carolina 5-2, not ranked
• #23 Ole Miss 3-3, -11
• #24 Navy 4-1, +1
• #25 LSU 4-2, not ranked

LSU and North Carolina climb back into the poll. I'd say that is well deserved (even if UNC is all Jekyll and Hyde). Virginia Tech and Miami beat a hasty retreat from the poll. I'd say that is also well deserved, although I feel that the 'Canes will be back. 

In the realm of Top 10 matchups we get a HUGE one in Tuscaloosa, with #6 Texas A&M versus #1 Darth Bama. We also get a pair of lower end Top 25 matchups with #17 Arkansas versus #21 Auburn and #23 Ole Miss versus #25 LSU. I smell a defensive battle on the Plains and another high scoring battle in Baton Rouge. 

For upset alert in the Top 25? I'm going to say watch out, #7 Louisville. NC State hits like a ton of bricks. #10 Wisconsin should be very wary of Iowa at home. #12 West Virginia gets a real wild card in a talented and well coached (but underachieving) TCU team.

I'll talk to you fine folks next week. Time to go to work.