This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers...........
Have you ever had these moments? The ones where you feel like you need to say something, but you aren't sure entirely what? This is typically me........I'm sitting here watching the classic "Mallrats" (which I feel everyone should see), and I'm lost in the revelry of Brodie and his cousin, Walter. Think about it:
Walter died from a broken neck trying to suck his own dick. Walter got a cat stuck in his ass (true story). Walter nearly died on a flight that was about to go down until everyone whipped out their respective pieces and decided to pleasure themselves. That's kind of like me.
No, I've never stuck a cat up my ass (I know, you're shocked). I've never almost died on a plane crash, although I did experience serious turbulence once that reminded me of a Richard Matheson story. As for whether or not I've tried to suck my own dick...............the jury is out. Be honest, boys.
I'm indulging myself here. I admit it. If you're one of the 30 or so hardy souls who tune into this particular dark corner of the internet then you might as well strap in and prepare yourself for either some funny shit or serious disappointment (my wife can relate.......it's her life story). It's time to get loose, like your favorite New Kid.
I hope to God that you are getting some of these references. I am no Jedi, for I DO crave adventure and excitement. I don't usually get it. That's just the brutal truth. The other part of the brutal truth is that lack of fulfillment doesn't ever stop us from going after it in some fashion, whether it's passively or aggressively. You have to keep chasing the fucking rabbit.
I've shifted over to "Clerks". If (by some freakish occurrence) you haven't seen this then quite fucking around and turn on Netflix. It's there for you perusal. Don't say I didn't tell you. And, by the way, just call me Dante.
Do you know what I do for a living? Do you? I run a fucking receiving dock on the ultimate graveyard shift for the biggest goddamn company on Earth, all things considered. I'm literally in Middle Management. It sucks, but I'm strangely grateful for it. I'm not complaining about being able to take care of my family, mind you, I just feel that pang. You know what that pang is. If you don't know what that pang is then be thankful, young sir or ma'am.
Does that word "pang" sound familar? It should. It's usually associated with hunger. It's defined as a brief, piercing spasm of pain or a sharp attack of metal anguish. If you can relate to this then by all means keep reading. If you cannot relate to my rambling then JUST FUCKING STOP READING!! I'm not hating on you, but if you have the privilege of doing what you actually WANT to do for a living then you are one of the fortunate few. Congratulations.
I'm happy for you folks. I really am. I hope that doesn't sound too bitter. I don't begrudge anyone their lot in life, whatever it may be. For the most part, I am happy with my life. Don't get me wrong. I have a wife who absolutely adores me even when I am an absolute turd (which is frequently). I have a daughter who is amazingly weird and beautiful and utterly brilliant. She is the single most amazing creature on Earth.............and I helped to create her. It's pretty sweet. I get to be a GOOD SON and take care of my mother in her later years when she needs it the most. That makes me happy even when my selfish ass is too stupid to realize how lucky I am.
Is it wrong of me to want more? Is it?
Sometimes I think that question is at the heart of my very existence. Shit, I don't know. Does it mean that I'm not happy because I occasionally want more? I find that a little hard to believe. All of this shit is just so fucking weird. It seems like it was yesterday that I was a strapping young hooligan, partying his ass off with a beautiful woman and the world in front of him. The world was my proverbial oyster.
Our kids wonder why we look at them like they are some kind of alien life form. It's because they just don't get it. They can't. They're too young. They haven't experienced any of the real world yet...........and yet they are more vitally alive than we could ever be.
"It's important to have a job that matters, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination"
Damned if that doesn't sum up how I feel about my "professional life". I'll leave it at that, folks. Or, if you prefer, just go watch Kevin Smith's classic "Clerks". It says everything that I'm trying to say in such an inefficient fashion. I buckle like a belt.
The things we do for our kids.
