Movie Review: "Art of the Dead" (2019)

Written and Directed by Rolfe Kanefsky; Story by Michael and Sonny Mahal;

Starring Lukas Hassell, Jessica Morris, Danny Tesla, Zachary Chyz, Alex Rinehart, Cynthia Aileen Strahan, Richard Grieco, & Tara Reid

97 minutes; 2019; Not Rated

I review a lot of films. I review horror, comedy, drama, documentary, television series, you name it (with a distinct emphasis on horror); I even review books on the regular. In any given week, I watch at least 7 or 8 movies and review virtually all of them (along with keeping up on college football and pro wrestling). I live in front of a screen. The point is that I see a lot of work- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I’m also human. As much as I try to be objective whenever possible, I still form snap judgments when watching a trailer to decide if I want to take an assignment. I’ll be honest: when Sonny Mahal (one of the story writers of Art of the Dead) contacted me, I had my doubts. The trailer looked a little cheesy (not to put too fine a point on it), and we all know there’s good cheese and bad cheese. Still, I was in the mood to live dangerously. I said “Fuck it. Let’s do this shit!”

Son of a bitch…I’m so glad I did.

Art of the Dead tells the story of an unsuspecting wealthy family who purchases a collection of seven animal paintings- a pig wallowing in mud, a goat cavorting through a field, snakes winding through a verdant tree, a bloated frog on a lilypad eyeing a fat dragonfly, a radiant peacock strutting its stuff, snails doing a whole lot of nothin’, and a wild-eyed lion bursting through the foilage. In other words, they’re animal representations of Gluttony, Lust, Envy, Greed, Pride, Sloth, & Wrath (respectively) a.k.a. The Seven Deadly Sins. What the rich family doesn’t know is that the obscure struggling artist who painted them sold his soul in order to create his masterpieces. They’ll soon fall under the possession of the evil art, becoming living caricatures of man’s worst sins.

Art of the Dead is the best kind of dirty trick. It lulls you in with a veneer of what I would call dreadfully average cheesy, B-movie fare. It looks cinematically competent and has an interesting premise, but at first it’s got that feel of “I’ve seen this before”. You’re kind of waiting for it to fall flat. The various works of art on display in the gallery and the opening credit crawl are insanely eye-catching stuff (the credited artist is Clint Carney), but that vibe persists for the first few minutes.

The performances of virtually all of the cast are just over the top enough to keep you engaged, though. Danny Tesla as the titular artist, Dorian Wilde, is especially hammy (he’s a lifelong stage actor and it shows in the best way possible). It’s the performances that cause you to start sitting up a little more and taking notice of the slowly increasing insanity of the film’s tone, an insidious gaining of speed that’s a bit like the pickup of an old diesel Mercedes. Before long, you realize you’re in the midst of prime drive-in fare for the modern age that Joe Bob Briggs would be proud of!

There’s so much to enjoy about the devolving of the characters. When Lust takes ahold of the mother, Gina (Jessica Morris; One Life to Live), she really goes full-on horny housewife to the point of lusting after her own teen daughter! Speaking of the daughter, Donna (Cynthia Aileen Strahan; normal.), her Envious transformation is supremely effective, trashy, and batshit crazy! She steals every scene that she’s in with style points to spare. Watching the Dad, Dylan (Lukas Hassell; The Black Room), go full on greedy frog is SFX subtlety done right and proper. It’ll make you feel more than a little in need of a shower.

It’s the performances, surprisingly solid writing, and dedication to a stellar premise that makes you fully invest in the loving cheese before your eyes. I’m not jaded, but I don’t often get surprised by a movie anymore (especially when I think it’s gonna be a dud). Movies like Art of the Dead are why I love indie film. While it certainly helps the exposure to have two names like Richard Grieco and Tara Reid involved, they’re actually the least strong parts of the film. Hell, Grieco is in it for a total of maybe five minutes (though it’s the perfect scene for his skill set)!

For the gorehounds, there’s plenty to love. You’ll find no shortage of intestines, cut throats, pooled blood, severed breasts, minor scalping, and belly explosion due to excess water ingestion that made literally laugh out loud. It’s all fairly righteous.

Art of the Dead is stinky cheese, just enough sleaze, and some wonderful tease wrapped in an overstuffed burrito of first-rate art direction (the scenes inside the paintings are a legit fairy tale wonder!) and campy B-movie sensibility that make it one of the surprise hits floating around in the ether of the horror world. Seek it out and grab a couple of your best friends. And some booze. Maybe some weed.

Short of the flea market, you’ve never seen art quite like this. Fuckin’ A.

**Art of the Dead released October 1st at Walmart and all major VOD platforms

Grade:

4.5 out of 5.0 stars