Sports Entertainment Review: "Wrestlemania 36 (Night One)" (2020)
The world is on lockdown. People are dying in hospitals. The ‘Rona is wreaking havoc upon us all…and Wrestlemania 36 is still going down, by God! I’m not 100% certain if I’m celebrating that fact or mourning all that is logical and well, but as a lifelong wrestling fan, I can say that I absolutely needed this in my life tonight. I mean that with the utmost of sincerity. Thank you, WWE.
I’m not here to lament the world we used to live in, nor am I trying to go on and on about the stupid pandemic and what it’s done to our daily lives. We all have to live in that shit, and we know what it’s like. Fuck all that noise. I’m here to talk about WRESTLE-FUCKING-MANIA!!
Is it the same Showcase of the Immortals that we’re used to? Absolutely not. You’d have to be mad to think that it would be. Everything is far too upside down to expect that (or even a ghost of it). However, what the good folks at WWE have done is work their asses off to give us a show that at least resembles what we expect at this time of year. Wrestlemania is the Super Bowl of professional wrestling, after all, and it’s hardwired into our DNA that it’s time for some classic moments.
So, let’s dig in and examine what we’ve been given in this day and age of empty streets, empty store shelves, and empty arenas.
Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross (Challengers) vs. The Kabuki Warriors (Champions) for the Women’s Tag Team Championships: It wasn’t spectacular, but it was solid and classic Wrestlemania mid-card stuff. The long-running champs (both technical freaks at the top of their game) put over one of the most popular and striking women in the division and a serious up-and-comer in a big way. Nikki Cross came out of this looking like a million bucks. I’d say it’s about time. She’s a really good hand who’s paired with the right partner in Bliss…watch for that backstab in a few weeks, though. Winners and NEW Champions: Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross…Rating: 3 stars
“King” Baron Corbin vs. Elias: This was another page taken from the “classic” playbook of pro wrestling. You’ve got a false start with Corbin looking for the forfeit victory, then Elias shows up in all business mode to kick his ass. It’s about time, too- Elias is a talent that needs to be put on display. He wrestled a physical match, and Corbin has shown what a solid heel he’s become (the End of Days is a thing of beauty). Nothing groundbreaking but definitely well done on the cheat victory to prove Elias isn’t the classic babyface. Winner: Elias…Rating: 3 stars
Shayna Baszler (Challenger) vs. Becky Lynch (Champion) for the Raw Women’s Championship: A textbook example of “take what you can get under the circumstances” in a feud that’s just beginning. The start of this match was seriously physical and impressive, telling a tale of two distinctly different styles. Lynch is a brawler with surprising technical prowess; Baszler is a predator with killer instincts. This isn’t a match that will be remembered in the history of their rivalry. It’s a setup match for a Summerslam classic. Mark my words. Winner and STILL Champion: Becky Lynch…Rating: 2.5 stars
Daniel Bryan (Challenger) vs. Sami Zayn (Champion) for the Intercontinental Championship: It’s a shame that Zayn is overinjured and underutilized in 2020, because he’s a stellar wrestler. Putting him against a stud like Daniel Bryan was a no-brainer, but this match ended up disappointing. The empty arena environment did highlight just how physical and nasty Bryan is. I wanted much more out of this one, unfortunately, and did not get it Too much interference when it wasn’t necessary. Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Sami Zayn…Rating: 2 stars
Kofi Kingston (Challenger) vs. Jimmy Uso (Challenger) vs. John Morrison (Champion) in a Ladder Match for the Smackdown Tag Team Titles: The Miz coming up sick at the last minute (hopefully it’s not the ‘Rona) changed the whole picture here, but that turned out to be a blessing in disguise. 1 man represented each team in what was essentially a Triple Threat for a tag team championship, and they had the perfect guys for the job. All 3 of these wrestlers are freak athletes, and the ladder match showed that. Morrison’s parkour style was on full display, and Kofi had multiple highlights. Jimmy Uso worked his dick off. This match FELT like Wrestlemania, crowd or no crowd, and partially stole the show (more on that in a minute). They did finish with another case of “to be continued” in a novel finish, but I’m okay with it. Winner and STILL Tag Team Champion: John Morrison…Rating: 4 stars
Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens: I love a pure grudge match with storyline build for weeks and weeks; it’s what Wrestlemania is all about, really. The Monday Night Messiah has had a strange year after his huge ‘Mania last year, and Owens is working to be the next Stone Cold in terms of fan popularity and styling. Rollins is much better as a heel. Owens makes a great anti-hero. It’s a fit. This time, the two were given all the time and allowance they needed to pull off a Wrestlemania classic- false finishes galore, apron high spots, tons of shit talk, a DQ that wasn’t (complete with restart), and plenty of brutality where you felt every chair shot and punch. Owens leap will go down in history as one of the really good ones. This was the Night One showstealer supreme (just a hair better than the Ladder Match) while KO gets his “Wrestlemania Moment”. Winner: Kevin Owens…Rating: 4.5 stars
Braun Strowman (Challenger) vs. Goldberg (Champion) for the WWE Universal Championship: All I can say is, “Thank you, God!” I’m just done with the nostalgia acts, and Goldberg is by far the worst of them all. He’s an unsafe hack who could never wrestle (ask Bret Hart or The Undertaker) and didn’t have the charisma to compensate. If anything, I kind of feel bad for Braun Strowman (subbing for Roman Reigns) as you have to wonder if the lack of quality in this opponent and the “unique” quality of the timing will cheapen his win. I hope not. I like Strowman and his ridiculous upside; give him a chance to run with it and see what he can do! What a butt ugly match! Winner and NEW WWE Universal Champion: Braun Strowman…Rating: 1 star
The Undertaker vs. AJ Styles in a Boneyard Match (Main Event): I have to say that I wasn’t fully prepared for how theatrical this “match” would be. I don’t think that history will be kind to it, but I also don’t think that’s fair. This was classic WWE product. The Undertaker, despite decades of stellar in-ring work, has always been a bit of a gimmick character. They grounded that somewhat by going with the American Badass persona, but some of the magical hallmarks of the Deadman remain. That’s okay, too. He’s as American as apple pie, after all, and I think it’s safe to say that Hulk Hogan is no longer the true face of WWE in a historical perspective. It’s all about The Phenom, and the Phenomenal AJ Styles was a great foil for this particular story. You can judge me all you want, but I unabashedly loved this mini-movie! You can retire now, Undertaker- you’ve done it all. Winner: The Undertaker…Rating: Does it matter?
FINAL THOUGHTS: I know that the expression “make the best of a bad situation” is more than simply cliché, but I want to thank the WWE for giving us something to take our minds off of the shitshow that is the world in early April of 2020. The women and men, from the wrestlers to the production team, worked their asses off to give us Night One of a show that hopefully makes life feel normal for a bit. WWE utilized their resources and technical prowess to full capacity. I loved the historical mashup of past performances of “America the Beautiful”…that was damn good stuff. Rob Gronkowski is giving it his all and isn’t without charisma, but I’m just annoyed by him.
I am looking quite forward to Night Two: Cena vs. The Fiend will be another Hollywood-style production, I’m highly intrigued by Lesnar vs. McIntyre, Rhea Ripley and Charlotte Flair WILL steal the show, and Edge vs. Orton will go down as one of the best ever. WWE has loaded up the back end while doing an adequate/solid job on the front end.
Shit, man…I’m just glad that wrestling is still there for us when nothing else is. In this moment, I’m proud to be a fan of professional wrestling AND sports entertainment.
