Book Review: "Welcome to the Splatter Club" edited by K. Trap Jones (2020)
“Welcome to the Splatter Club” edited by K. Trap Jones
Written by Stuart D. Monroe
Published by Blood Bound Books
Edited by K. Trap Jones
Stories by John McNee, Patrick Winters, Nikki Noir, Robert Essig, Matthew Weber, Airika Sneve, Paul Stansfield, Matthew Vaughn, C.M. Saunders, Brian Asman, Chandler Morrison, Joshua Rex, and KJ Moore
2020, 163 pages, Fiction
Released on August 12th, 2020
Review:
I try to run the gamut when it comes to horror fiction subgenres, and I like to think I’m pretty well read. Still, I’m a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to catching up on the new generation of authors out there. One of the best ways to get down in there, so to speak, and truly discover new voices is to hit up new themed anthologies and see how many different styles get thrown at you? Isn’t that the measure of both of a good anthology and its editor? Variety is the spice of life, after all.
I’d read a lot of authors labeled as splatterpunk but had yet to sit down with a dedicated splatterpunk anthology and taste-tested. I love the flavor of it all, so the time became right to settle in good and proper and see what the nuances have to offer. K. Trap Jones is a name that comes up a fair amount in those anthologies, so it seemed the logical next read.
I’m damn sure glad I had my sensibilities fucked up by some of the things in this collection.
Much of the work on display in Welcome to the Splatter Club is vicious and mean-spirited in the way that you sometimes have to be to tell an extreme story in the way that it deserves (“Neutered” by Chandler Morrison). Some of them will leave you wondering how a writer that talented, descriptive, and flat-out disturbed ended up in the Penthouse forums (“Grinder” by Nikki Noir). There’s a tale sure to utterly destroy anyone with Sphenisciphobia a.k.a. the fear of penguins (“Sometimes the Penguin Eats You” by Brian Asman). You’ll be faced with discovering just how disruptive and awful life could be if your sperm woke up and took control of your nerves (“23 to 46” by Paul Stansfield). One thing that all of the authors in Welcome to the Splatter Club is take you to a place of gonzo horror that you couldn’t have predicted.
“Splatter Party” by John McNee: A girl named Nadia is stuck at an after-party with a couple of shady folks and their drug dealer. When they beat up their complaining Romanian neighbor, they unleash a darkness from the flat below in the form of The Master. Energetic and messy, it’s a strong lead off story.
“The Big Bad Boy” by Patrick Winters: Dollar stores are some of my least favorite places on the planet. Maisie’s shift is about to ruined by a robber who’s not out for money; he’s out to destroy a certain kind of snack cake. And why the hell is he getting bigger? In the theatre of the absurd, this one is a standout kind of crazy.
“Grinder” by Nikki Noir: Filthy, nasty, and sexual in the best way possible. Nothing nuanced here; a sex drug is going around made from the blood of those infected by an unholy toad creature! It’s patently insane with a clear Rabid influence that makes it borderline pornographic with seriously bad intentions. And what’s not to love about that?
“I Hang My Hat and There’s No Blood” by Robert Essig: The head and shoulders best of the anthology, I am saying nothing about it except to say it’s an aging comedian’s last night on stage and he plans on doing something terrible. It works so sublimely because of the comedian’s voice. Those who appreciate standup will hear this one in their damn nightmares. Shocking. Potent.
“Code Black” by Matthew Weber: A small-town cop responds to an active shooter situation at his daughter’s school. A student sits in an invocation circle crowned with a deer’s head. This one’s not going where you might think, but there will be street justice!
“Dickie Dykstra” by Airika Sneve: A man named Michael Angelino is preparing to duke it out with and/or kill his boss, the inimitable Dickie Dykstra. Dickie makes Lumbergh from Office Space look like a pussycat, but the truth is much, much darker. Michael is no pushover, however, and Dickie gets what every shitty boss deserves. It’s a cathartic tale.
“23 to 46” by Paul Stansfield: As a pothead, I was terrified when I first started reading a story about a stoner named Matt who hears voices in his head…voices that are capable of causing him great physical pain…telling him to not smoke any more pot. It’s awful. It turns out that Matt is hearing his sperm! They’re beyond impatient and need to reproduce, so he cuts a deal to donate as much as possible to the sperm bank. You know the thing about impatient sperm, though- they’re never satisfied. One of those stories that proves you don’t need to be deep or psychological to be just what the doctor ordered.
“Splatter in Space” by Matthew Vaughn: The opening two paragraphs set up the scenario succinctly- Tonya, Ray, and Jeff are on an isolated three-year mission, so naturally there’s lots of zero-g sex and no privacy. ‘Splatter in Space” (pardon the pun) blows by in a sticky flood of gore and graphically gooey sex before finishing with a loaded ending- what will Tanya bring back from the dirty deep? Also, were there enough puns there?
“Holiday of a Lifetime” by C.M. Saunders: The story of a happy couple, Nigel and Fiona, who jet off to Thailand in a burst of spontaneity after Nigel loses his long-standing financial sector job. They’re working out their kinks literally and figuratively, and before you can say “Thai trans hooker” the couple find out much more about each other than either could have imagined. It’s easily the most potentially controversial and ruthless of the bunch.
“Sometimes the Penguin Eats You” by Brian Asman: Sometimes all a story needs is a premise to hook the reader. A stoner who really wants to eat his roommate’s service penguin? You have my undivided attention. I laughed. I gagged. I was left more than a bit agog at the sheer lunacy of it all.
“Neutered” by Chandler Morrison: A woman finds herself in an alien pet store in a gonzo-ass take on a Twilight Zone-modeled premise that goes to surprisingly dark, deep, and psychological places. It’s one of the strongest stories, and Chandler Morrison sticks to his guns on that ending. I admire that. Serious nightmare fuel for the spacey mind.
“The Woman in the Ditch” by Joshua Rex: Yes! It’s my favorite voice- the story that speaks to me in that old country tongue. Two cousins, Bo and Red, are out on their bikes after a lucrative day of fishing. They see a woman in the rain-swollen ditch, and Bo is soon seduced by the watery tart. It’s nasty in the best way possible, and stands on a really cool mythology that could easily be explored in a longer form. It also works as a very black, very bastardized version of the Garth Brooks song “That Summer”- Red will never look at a spring rain the same way again.
“Cheese” by KJ Moore: Helen is in a serious bind. She’s meeting a man about a back-alley abortion…well, in a manner of speaking. Abortions are virtually impossible to get with the market cornered by a trio of providers. In a story that’s the textbook definition of how to end an anthology of the truly fucked up, “Cheese” goes to places involving the relationship between cheese, gussets, and fetuses. You’ve been warned. I wasn’t prepared. I may not be worthy.
Welcome to the Splatter Club is a collection of diverse voices that stand ready to “go there” and then go so much further. It’s in that oh-so important category of what I call “prime toilet reading”. If we’re being honest with ourselves, good short story reading is so often done on the shitter. After all, if we can’t be honest with ourselves in splatterpunk, where can we be?
Grade:
4.0 out of 5.0 stars
Amazon Link:
https://www.amazon.com/Welcome-Splatter-Club-Book-ebook/dp/B0868WY6XN/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Welcome+to+the+Splatter+Club&qid=1621122563&sr=8-1
