Movie Review: "Bermuda Island" (2023)

Bermuda Island Movie Review

Written by Stuart D. Monroe

Released by Mahal Empire

Directed by Adam Werth

Written by Sonny Mahal (story), Michael Mahal (story), and Robert Thompson (screenplay)

2023, 86 minutes, Not Rated

Released on January 23rd, 2023

Starring:

John Wells as Bruce

Sarah French as Carolyn

Victor V. Gelsomino as Damon

Wesley Cannon as FBI Agent Victor Sweden

Tom Sizemore as Air Marshal Jonas

Noel Gugliemi as Diego Montalban

Sheri Davis as Peggy

Zera Lynd as Maggie

Greg Tally as Midnight

David Shechter as Captain David Oveur

Earl Gray as Navigator Walter Unger

Jackson Everest as First Officer Kevin Dunn

Review:

Not enough movies are made about the Bermuda Triangle. I’ve been saying this for a damn long time now, and the best results are a handful of mid-'70’s TV movies and the underrated (but long-winded) The Triangle. There’s also Jack Black in Gulliver’s Travels, and I’ll not hear an unkind word said about that lovingly polished turd. But I digress.

You must know, though, that when the good folks over at Mahal Empire tackle the subject it’s going to get more than a little messy, at least a little naked, and will achieve just the right amount of camp and comedic timing to provide a good time. In that regard, Bermuda Triangle delivers in bloody spades (even if it does take a while getting to the insanity).

Bermuda Triangle introduces a large and diverse group of passengers to the mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle by way of a freak (but still predicted?) storm that pops up out of nowhere and downs the plane in the middle of the ocean. Those unlucky enough to survive wash up on the titular deserted island with all the usual dangers it comes with- hunger, thirst, blistering sun, infighting, and predators. Only this is a deserted island inside the Bermuda Triangle that’s home to a clan of vicious, Predator looking monsters that eat guts like zombies and hunt like velociraptors. Also, there’s a notorious drug dealer named Diego Montalban (Noel Gugliemi aka the dude who asks Ethan Hawke if he’s ever “had his shit pushed” in Training Day). If that sounds like a lot to handle, it is. You knew what you were in for.

I’m going to get my gripe out of the way early and say the film stumbled around a bit early and wasted the action-packed storyline with the notorious drug dealer that’s interwoven with the slew of character introductions in the alternating airport scene. Luckily, that’s not a massive deal because the action is solid and you’re still having a lot of fun in the process. I’m simply bitter that both Diego and Air Marshal Jonas (Tom Sizemore; Saving Private Ryan) didn’t get a ton of screen time. Also, there’s a noticeable lack of Robert LaSardo.

Then Bermuda Island turns into a monster film on a “deserted” island, and you are off and running. From there forward, the disembowelings, gut munchings, back stabbings, and general bad behavior run pretty rampant. Tonally, the humor comes out to play much more. That balls to the wall approach doesn’t let up for the rest of the movie, and that is definitely to its benefit. I’ll not say it’s zany…it stops short of that. But there is a tongue-in-cheek attitude that will keep you grinning.

All that is complimented by gloriously old-school rubber suit monsters acting like utter savages and a cast that plays each character for either maximum stereotype or maximum dislikability (I’m looking at you, constantly bitching Peggy). The SFX are practical and overall pretty solid; there’s more gut chewing and neck tearing per capita than any flick I’ve seen in a while. Those green-skinned carnivores love to chew. With a slew of dislikable characters, there are some deeply satisfying deaths (again I’m looking at you, Peggy).

As with all Mahal Empire films, the production value is top shelf given the budget and the locations are excellent. Bermuda Island manages to avoid going into LOST territory with all its heavy mythology and deep drama by providing an enemy that is simple and straightforward. They’re also really, really bloodthirsty, and that is such a plus for a low budget monster flick. Bermuda Island is traditional drive-in fare that just wants to entertain you and maybe gross you out a little.

That’s way better than a cheap-ass TV movie.

Grade:

3.5 out of 5.0 stars